Sunday, 12 August 2012

How to love a Caveman. Holistically.

When you have this idea that you are going to meet that 'somebody', there are sometimes expectations of what that somebody 'should' be like, the perfect somebody. Sound familiar...I want a lover to be, to have, to do, to say, to think, to wear, to smell, to eat, to be....
The thing is love doesn't have a shape, a form, a particular way it is meant to be. Love just is.
Open to falling in love with a caveman?? Well there are a few rules.....

1. He is going to want to smell you. Everywhere. And you have to let him smell you. Everywhere. Don't reach for those toxic freshners the TV has brainwashed you to buy, stay naturally clean, and let your love hormones radiate from your skin. Swim in the salty ocean or a freshwater lake. Use lemons for everything and all over, drip yourself in sweet orange essential oils. Go tropical with some coconut oil and smell like an amazon goddess, the wonders of coconut oil are endless. If he loves your scent his nose will forever be seeking you out, he will always find you, and then be buried deep under your armpit and into your skin with love. Just let go.
2. Accept what he is. Primal and hairy but evolving. He is all man. Its ok, you can still be all woman with all of your woman liberating rights, but just let go to the option of being 'his' woman. Being his caveman bitch, to letting him know you need him, to telling your bra burning days you need him too, and that doesn't make you any weaker. Its ok to need somebody and its ok to let somebody IN. Let your caveman know he is needed, he is loved, you need a fire burning, you want a cave building, you like being carried in his big arms to his animal skins and rugs, you want him to protect you from other predators. Be grateful for your cavemans skills, and help him develop, concentrate on the things that he does have and can do, stop finding fault in the things he doesn't. Who cares if he doesn't bang bongoes or quote Buddha, your caveman is going to love your feminist fur patches no matter what, and he may just surprise you with a hulahoop.

3. Know that he is going to put most things in his mouth. His hairy sexy animal mouth. Gently but firmly. Yes that includes all body parts, the mouth is always waiting for any opportunity. Food, skin, liquid, toys, mud, clothes, boobs, elbows, hair, meat, grunts, love, toes, more food....whatever is in close proximity to the animal mouth will definately be in danger or in luck of being consumed, and it will jump at you from every angle. Always offer seconds for your caveman, or learn self defence for your boobs.
4. Don't try to change him. The tribal tattoos from his teenage days are part of him. His love for meat and PROTEIN can be embraced and developed into loving meals made with lentils, beans, grains, vegetables, nuts and seeds. Give him the inspiration and choice, show him that meals made with love don't always need meat in them to nourish and build. Be a caveman bitch and show him how you can get protein from other sources, or how he can eat quality meat, less, ethically, and sustainably. Guide your caveman into a world of protein meatless heaven. Accept he will fart. Accept that you will fart. Laugh. Love. Fart.

'You are a goddess, and the fact that you fart means that you are not an illusion. It makes you real' -Caveman

5. Meet him where he is at. Whether thats in the ocean on a surfboard going out for 'those' waves, on his bike doing wheelies looking at you for approval, hiking lost Tofino wilderness jumping logs and mud, skating the streets of Victoria on his longboard, tearing corners on his motorbike shamelessy too fast. He is what he is. Don't be his mother, its her job to worry about his safety. You are his caveman bitch, its your job to inspire him, evolve him, let him smell you, taste you, watch him show off his skills. Love him. Either join in the fun and embrace the same thrills, or embrace that he has a lust for life and these are his lusts. You want him to embrace your thrills and lusts of life, and be inspired, so do the same for his. Imagine the possibilities of new hobbies and skills to trade, share each others thrills!

6. Do Yoga in front of him. All of the time. See what happens. Especially if you do it in your cavewoman hide with bed head cavewoman unbrushed hair. If you can keep a firm understanding that your Yoga practice cannot be interrupted for animal mouth or scent smelling, you will notice that suddenly you have another downward dog next to you, and this one is wagging his caveman tail. Be stocked up for treats for good downward dogs after practice. Yoga is for everyone, even the caveman, and whatever way they at first are inspired to try, embrace that. Yes it might have required some manipulation of the cavewoman form, but only for the greater good. Who knows the possibilites when you start meditating in front of him too...

7.  You will have to learn a new language. Grunting. Cavemen like to grunt. The animal mouth would feel lost if it didn't grunt at least once a day. You can either nod or grunt back. Grunting and growling can actually be really exhilerating, if done in the right circumstance. The point is, just be ok with it! No point over-analysing for days 'Oh shit, my caveman grunted at me in this way last week, what does that mean, does he still love me, did he hear me fart after that bean stew I tricked him into eating instead of meat, has my orangey natural oil smell worn off, did I look crap surfing that wave, I can't ride down a tree trunk with no hands, holy f**k!!! I AM ENOUGH???' Who cares about all that little stuff. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You always have been! Communicate with your caveman, grunting, talking, loving, holding, sharing, CONNECTING in whatever language you know.
8. Cavemen often have to travel for many days away from you gathering food, finding new homes, fighting predators, keeping you safe. As a caveman bitch, this could also mean you are busy finding new rocks to make essential utensils to cook with, to grind up cinammon and garlic to keep your caevman healthy and balanced. You might also be learning new skills in different lands away from your caveman, for the good of the tribe. This means you might need to send each other smoke signals to stay connected, to send out that energy that you cherish for each other. Love isn't just physical connection, we need to stay connected to the source emotionally, spiritually and to have belief in your connections. Staying connected to the source of all things, to life itself, to your tribe, to yourself, to your world, to nature, to your god of choice, to your caveman will be the most nourishing act you can give. Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans says embrace your caveman connection.
8. Cavemen don't value clothes. In fact they prefer to be naked most of the time. GOOD. Clothes are only for keeping warm. 'It takes four walls and a roof to make a house, but it is the space that you live inside' - Lao Tzu. It doesn't matter about what your caveman wears, its what he values and how he is able to love, not just you, but all things. This is what really matters in life. Know that if your caveman is naked, you are probably going to be naked too. Love your own skin. Be comfortable in your own skin. Afterall you are just a skeleton with organs, skin, and muscle. It's just a shell. Love who you are, and who you are isn't just a shell. If you are going to love your caveman, you must at first know how to love yourself. Love your mind body and spirit. Nude doesn't equal sex either (not all the time). Your caveman also wants to cherish you, and he will do that if you cherish yourself. It will show, and that isn't always in the pvc catsuit you've been saving for that special 'Im gonna blow his mind' moment. Sex isn't always the way to make your caveman love you. Neither are your clothes. Free yourself.

'Grab hair, drag home, build fire, lay down, have way, hold close, sleep, wake, find food, keep safe, make love, cherish....repeat' - Caveman

10. Love is like a big wave. You going to paddle for it everytime, even if you know the last wave you took absolutely pounded you head first into the sand, you couldn't breathe, you panicked, you kicked for the surface but it didn't come, and then finally you burst through the wash back onto the surface. You grab your board and reassess. Breathe. Look around. Your heart pounds hard. You are ok. Everything is ok. Yeah you are ready for life. You are ready for love. You are ready for another wave, even if it might make you scared, thats the adventure of love. Take risks on a caveman, forget the past waves you rode. They too were adventures and thrills and just may have been thrown off your board a few too many times. Its ok. Thats all in the past. We all get thrown off the board. But get back on it, and paddle out to that big wave again, take the risk, everything will be ok. Because when you are able to stand, feeling the rush of adrenalin as you float down the face of the wave, and ride it, it feels like you were born to do it, and nothing else matters right in that present moment.
Love is always worth the ride.
Paddle paddle paddle!
Love love love!
Enjoy in the present moment.

To all cavemen out there, YOU ARE LOVED. To all cavewomen bitches, YOU ARE LOVED.
Love all species, Develop together, Evolve collectively , Connect with each other.

The Raw Yogini (aka caveman bitch)

You can also read this article here on Elephant Journal


  1. LOVE your writing Chelle!!! You are one amazing cave woman. I salute you with a loud grunt!! Good lessons in there :) xo

  2. You say don't try to change him, then you talk about trying to force him into being a vegetarian, and in one example through trickery! I say love him for him, for ALL of him including his meat eating self. I agree with ethical sustainable meat, but don't take it away from him, that's frankly just wrong. If his body wants meat it wants meat. Yes, there are people who actually need it, though not everyone does. I love all the rest of this though. Keep on writing!

  3. Hey Mama, I totally agree! Forcing cavemen to do anything can be a tricky grunt indeed, best to inspire and let them choose. Thanks for your comment on ethical sustainable meats too, its so important and such a good point. Love your piece on natural cleaners, you have a great blog too!

  4. Hi Chelle,

    what a great entry, I loved every line of it and had my own caveman before my very own (inner) eye while reading.
    Regarding the foods, agreed as well - I never buy meat and he is happy with that; if he feels the urge he can always go and .. hunt the urban jungle :-)
    And the best part is that more & more often I come home to an empty fridge & pantry previously stocked with raw goodies.

    1. Thanks Lisa! Totally agree with letting the hunter in him track down his own food if he needs to, but keep inpsiring him with your pantry delights and cavewoman bed hair!